"When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on him, he will lift you up and give you honor."

james 4:10

okay... so God's still teaching. read this yesterday... just totally coincides with the whole 100% dependence = pure joy... wow... God's too good... =) mmm.. ANYwayz.. only three dayz of school this week, but madly packed with WAAAAYYY too many things... found out yesterday that i have a calc test on wednesday too!!!! waaaaahhhh!!!!! i hate school.. grrr...

on the plus side... GOD GOT ME INTO UTM!!!! whooooooo!!!! it wuz my last choice, but i mean now i have two places to go for post-secondary... yayy!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!! argh... gotta get thru two more dayz of school.. just two more dayz... and i just gotta time manage i guess... and well, knock each thing off one by one... step by step... speaking of which.. why am i blogging???? i hafta study!!!!!!! pray for me pplz!!! thx a billion... keep countin ur blessingz, cuz u'll find that God's been giving u much more than u realize... =)

mmmm... God's been quiet... not completely silent, but not throwing me around the room and whacking me across the head either... just quiet... whispering i guess? but yah... been learnin a few things this week... more at the beginning of the week i guess, cuz there were a coupla days when i wuz just in a funk... dunno why.. but yah... just those dayz i guess...

ANYwayz.. lessons learned:

test = testimony
100% dependence + God = pure joy

so yah... itz been interesting.. been kinda silent on blogs lately, cuz well school getz in the way... stinkz.. grrr... can't wait till easter break.. wheeee!!!! three-day school week next week... PRAISE GOD! mmm.. lemme think.. i'm supposed to meet up with Chris Tompkins sometime this week.. wheee!!! free lunch too!!! hahaha.. but yah.. see what God's got in store for the fellowship @ good ol' bafoon.. but yah.. we'll see... mmm.. lots to do this week.. not as much as last week, but still a lot.. lemme think.. eng for monday, bio lab for tues, bus admin test (again) on tues... then FREEDOM!!! hahahaha.. well till after easter break that is.. =P wow... God's been soooo good... gotta keep seekin Him tho in these times of quiet-ness.. =) really really don't wanna get into routine... yuck.. the worst word in the Christian life.. routine... yuck.. =P ANYwayz... i'm glad that i'm still learning.. God' ssoooo good... =D

... the trials in life are not enemies of faith, but are opportunities to prove God's faithfulness ...

okay.. life is .... crazie... i can't say life sux, cuz it doesn't.. i've been given sooo many blessings that even when the trials in life come along, they don't seem that tough, cuz i've got amazing support... PRAISE GOD... okay... so first of all, thingz are a l'il hectic with school, work, fellowship etc, and family... oh my goodness.. dad's in the hospital at the moment cuz something's wrong with his right eye, but thanx soo much to all the ppl who've been prayin for him. his eyesight's gradually gettin better... PRAISE GOD! but yah.. everything else is stressing.. might not be home for a while, cuz some guy @ the hospital my dad wuz at died of sars... and my dad may have to be quarantined for 10 dayz when he comes home.... so i might not be at home for the next ten dayz... whaaa!!!! i already miss him so much already, and i might not even see him for another two weekz!!!!!!!!

thing is, through all this, God's been mad amazing.. He's given me so many B.A.S.I.C.s to support me thru all this.. just ppl to talk to, ppl rootin for my family and prayin for us... wow... and there IS power in prayer... i dunno where i'd be if i weren't a Christian.. seriously, i'd be like going insane right now.. yet somehow, i still have my head about me and i can still somwhat think straight.. altho lately, i've been a l'il flustered... *sigh* i guess itz just cuz ther's a lot to do in the coming week for school cuz univ marks are due next tues and then ther's fellowship(s) and all the stuff related to that... and church and work... oh my.. and then softball stuff too... argh.. so busy all of a sudden... yet somehow, i know i'm gonna get thru all this.. i think i just hafta stop worrying.

argh... =P talkin to a B.I.C.. and i guess just got reminded to NOT rely on my own strength, but on His alone... yah.. i'm gettin mad worried about this upcoming week.. got so much to do and i might not even be in the comfort of my own home thru it all.. then marks are due in and i can't just bomb all the stuff thatz due this week... *sigh* but yah... gotta have more faith.. kinda ironic, isn't it? whatever is impossible with men, is possible with God... and i can't get thru this week on my own strength.. i mean i'm tired just THINKING about it... mmm.. gotta pray more... plz plz plz pray for me (for those rding this) thx so much for everything already... God's been amazing with the blessings... thingz are awesome with my family, my friends, school's been decent, fellowship's been amazing.. blog more about that some other time... and of course... hero... (sucha blessing) hahaha... =D

"Do not worry about your life... Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ... Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


matthew 6:25-34

oh my... havn't blogged in AGES.... i hate being so busy... *sigh* wish i had more time on my hands... but itz all good.. God's still shining thru all the hectic-ness... mmm.. where to begin? its been like a week since i last blogged? something like that... but in a week so much has happened!!! wow... i guess itz now time to reflect.. hahaha... hopefully i get back to blogging like everyday so i won't have to write so much at one time... meh we'll see what time i have and opportunity i have to blog.. =D

okay... so mmm... been a week since i blogged... grr... gotta try to remember what happened this past week.. =) oh!!!!!! RIGHT!!!!! i got into ocad!!!! waaaahhhhhhh!!!! actually.. i'm wrong.... GOD GOT ME INTO OCAD!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!! i don't know what to say... cuz itz like early admission too!!! and yah, true, york is my first choice, but i mean OCAD!!! thaz apparently a mad hard school to get into!!! whoo!! praise God!!! =D so i'm still waiting on a response from york, but i guess if ocad's where God's leading... then that'z where i'll be next year.. it won't be BAD or nething... just diff from the other universities.. and on the plus side i get to go to the art gallery and stuff.. and itz close to ut downtown.. so i can meet up with friends and stuff when i have time... whoa.. so many considerationz to make and what not... *sigh* gettin old...

okay.. what else.. OH!!! fellowship on wednesday.. well yoah on tuesday and fellowship on wed.. whoa!!! God's TOTALLY amazing.. i gotta remember this for this tuesday so i can share @ yoah.. newayz.. so we were talking @ yoah about what God's been doing in the schools and starting to hook up the schools with churches and pastors nearby... wow... when God workz, God works... so after yoah on tues, the bethune fellowship pplz who went to yoah kinda felt like something wuz gonna happen on wednesday.. not necessarily anything extraordinary.. but SOMETHING... so yah.. and on wed, i had spare last period and meeting to go to, so i wuz kinda late for fellowship.. turns out, they thought i wasn't gonna go so they made some planz for the fellowship.. PRAISE GOD!!! cuz i don't wanna alwayz be the one running stuff and what not... cuz what happenz next year??? i don't want ppl to be dependent on me.. i want them to be dependent on God... so yah... they somewhat had stuff planned which wuz awesome.. cuz it meant that i didn't hafta do nething!!! whoo!! and yah.. i walk into the cafe expecting to see like 20 ppl there.. which is usually the case.. and BAM!!! walk in... see 32 ppl there... and when i wuz pulling out the worship stuff for them to use that waz when it really hit me how much 30 some ppl actually is... =) wow... just in awe... amazed...and we were prettie much ill-prepped.. no transparencies, no projector.. piano wuz taken away.. so we just had the guitar.. no program or nething planned... so thingz were kinda done on the fly.. but they DID start talking about next year and the leadership and stuff.. and PRAISE GOD!! there are actually a few ppl that WANT to help out and stuff.. and the idea of having a coffeehouse is also bouncing around... whooo!!! never expected God to be doing this in good ol' bethune... mmm.. gotta keep lifting up the fellowship in prayer.. wow.. this is what happenz when GOD leads... whoa!!!!!! sometimes wish i could stay another year just to see what God does in the school.. ack!! He's so gonna take the fellowship and run with it... and itz sooo encouraging to talk to the younger pplz.. hehehe.. the young'ens... cuz they're dreaming SOOO big for God.. and it totally makes sense too!!! cuz like God's a BIG GOD.. and He deserves BIG dreamz... like if we dream small, itz kinda pointless cuz then we know that we can do it on our own.. but with BIG dreamz... we know that we gotta rely on God's power to have it become a reality.. the kids in the fellowship were saying that they wanted to see the fellowship size double next year.. cuz it doubled this year from last year's numbers.. we had 15.. this year we have 32... and they wanna see 60 next year and 120 the year after... like WHOA!!! the cafe'll be FILLED with ppl.... ack!!!! wanna see it happen!!! God's amazing...

so yah... God's been doing really amazing thingz.. He may not be whacking me... actually wait, no.. He has been whacking me... lemme think.. there have been lessons about purity and faith... yah.. mostly purity and faith... and they've been eye-opening, mind-bending, attention-getting kinda lessons too... mmm.. God's good... no wait.. God's great... 'nuff said... can't wait to see what He's gonna be doing this week... =D

... my heart is bursting Lord, to tell of all You've done ...
- the happy song -

wow... its been a week since tc... and i didn't completely finish the whole backtracking thing... so i guess i'll start with that and then continue with what went on this week and how God's been pulling me through... wheee!!! =D

arrites... so the thurs of march break.. the last day of tc... it wuz tiring.. just cuz we all didn't get a whole lotta sleep and we even slept IN ... but yah... i wuz able to take a nap during interaction, which i sorta wish i didn't sometimes, just cuz i missed out on the bethel team interaction... but the rest wuz much needed.... so yah... and well going into tc.. i guess i figured that i'd get whacked real hard by God... like i wuz seriously expecting to learn some real hard lessons.. like i wuz BRACING for it.. but God had other planz... He spoke more in a whisper i guess... like i felt like i LEARNED.. but not so much in the breaking down in tearz kinda learn.. more in the gaining info in my head and applying it kinda learn... it wuz awesome... tc this year wuz SOOO not about hype.. and i'm hoping the result frum after tc is still the same as last year's... cuz last year after tc, stuff CHANGED.. and i'm glad for it too!!! =) ANYwayz.. so the thurs of tc... we were talking about songz for the nite session and we were talking about surrender.. then all of a sudden i started to think about the words and never has the words to that song hit me so hard as it did when we sang it during the worship time... like WHOA.. don't know how to describe it.. just AMAZING...

"i'm giving YOU my heart, and ALL that is within
i lay it ALL down, for the sake of YOU MY KING
i'm giving YOU my dreams, i'm laying down my rights
I'M GIVING UP MY PRIDE, for the promise of new life"

amazing... and the chorus... i surrender ALL TO YOU... wow... those words just hit home.... so yah.. thaz my whole thing about the song surrender... sooo convicting...

anywayz... this is gonna be SUPER LONG.. but yah.. i'm actually procrastinating prettie bad right now.. =P should be doing my eng, but i wanna think about this past week i guess... so newayz.. this past week has been insane... like seriously, insane... i had so much stuff to do, and just a lotta STUFF... but somehow, i'm still alive and kickin and its friday! so yah... i had a two-part eng assignment due today (praise God i got an extension to monday!! phew) and i had a comp arts isu due, plus a phys test to study for... plus work last nite, tonite and tmw.... and piano, and fellowship.. just a lot on my plate... and i never thot i'd get thru it alive.. much less happy... =D but i am!!! and i dunno.. God's grace has really been sustaining me... HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT... and so yah.. been learning thingz everyday... sometimes hard to find time to be with Him, but i guess thatz something i gotta work on... spending more time just being still.. and just BEING... =)

what else to say??? school's been tough, but hopefully after this week... meh... we'll see what happenz.. only a few more months left of highschool... yet i'm somewhat ready to leave i guess... i dunno... signz that i'm getting old.. hahaha... ANYhow... i miss my basics!!!! waaaaahhh!!! the media team, the worship team... my bethel team!!!! grrr.. wish tc wuz more than just two dayz.. but then again, it wuz never about the conference anyway... the actual conference wuz more of a launching pad for a ton of new friendships... hopefully we all keep in touch.. hehehe.. if not i'll hunt 'em all down!!! muahahaha... =D (j/k for anyone reading this... i'm not insane.. really!!! =D) but yah.. i really really really really miss 'em all... luv 'em with all my heart... hope we get together again soon!!!! and hope to get to know pplz frum bethel more... *sigh* feel so bad about missing out on so much of the interactions and stuff... bleh!!! nehooz... head's gettin prettie sore now... i might start gettin hysterical.. eeeekkkk!!! lotsa stuff coming up.. but next week lookz like a nice breather kinda week.. not much stuff.. i hope... =) blog more later.. hahahaa... CONGRATS to whoever made it this far in my blog.. hahaha.. today's wuz SUPER LONG.. sorrie!!! but i warned ya before!!! =D BE BLESSED!!!!

okay... i'll probably be blogging in sections today.. just cuz there's so much stuff crammed into my head and i gotta get my thots organized a bit? mmm.. where to begin.. how about with TODAY... then we'll backtrack? so today wuz the first day back @ cecc... wow... never knew how much i missed my brotherz and sisterz there.. and itz interesting cuz i went back and just FELT different being there... i dunno why... like i wuz excited and happy to see my basics again, but at the same time i wuz kinda like observing? watching? i dunno.... ANYwayz...i think God's trying to send me a message.. .it'll make sense once i backtrack... and so yah... today i wuz changing and stuff.. and popped in the surrender cd and set it to shuffle... so it just playz random tracks... go figure the first song i hear is SURRENDER....and well letz just say i got whacked prettie good with that song frum tc... it'll make sense later... so yah... and i just broke down.. got on my knees and prayed... teared up and stuff too... wow... God's amazing.. then i went to church saw my "family" again... and yah.... service starts.. i open the bulletin and the title of the sermon: a vision of worship....(WHOA!) and we start singing songz and stuff... and the last song we sing... SURRENDER... (WHOA!) God just put me in my place... seriously... and so yah.. the msg wuz about changes in perspective that we need to truly worship... basically to sum it up, we need a new vision of God.. and true vision of ourselves, a new vision of grace and a new vision of service.... if more detailz are needed, just msg me or summthin and i'll spit out my sermon notes.. =) so yah... interesting msg...

then fellowship... wow... those kids... hahaha.. i know i'm gettin old when i start referring to the pplz in my fellowship as kids.. wow... am i ever old... newayz.. i won't digress for the time being.... so today wuz "bring a friend" day @ fellowship and yah, we had a few ppl.. .and we sang freedom and blessed... it wuz cool cuz i got to share some of the technical stuff that i learned thru the worship team (luv and miss u guyz!!!!!!) but it wuz really really awesome... i wuz playin the piano so i couldn't see how everyone else wuz worshipping, then it hit me... how are YOU worshipping, hazel? and just WHOA... got put in my place again... *sigh*

so that wuz church this morning. and the day'z not over yet, so who knowz what else is coming tonite. anywayz... over the past few dayz i've been feelin like there's a lotta stuff that God's gotta show me ... like convict me of... ther'z just something that makes me feel... blah? i unno how to describe it... like life's prettie good... seriously.. but just something that makes me bleh... i dunno.. so i've been asking God to convict me and i guess pull me outta this "funk" (as raine would say... ) and yah.. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR... cuz God's been convicting me and just revealing Himself to me... for example.. today's blurb from my utmost... and i guess i'll leave with that for the time being... add more about tc and the past few dayz later....

The deadliest attitude of the Pharisees that we exhibit today is not hypocrisy but that which comes from unconsciously living a lie.

mmm... TC THIS WEEK!! wwwwwhhhhoooooaaaa!! (as sammi would say...=) can't believe itz already here... three months since we started.... gone by so fast... crazie!!! itz been an amazing three monthz tho... God's been teaching in every way possible... can't wait to see what He's gonna do @ tc... what He's gonna do to the people that are going.. what He's gonna do to me... oh my.. i have a feeling i'm in for a real good smackin... (in a good way of course...=) but yah... tc last year wuz a memorable one... changed my perspective on so many thingz... so i can't wait to see what God's got in store for this year!!!

ahhh!! the past few dayz have been toomuchfun... =) luv u guyz!!! worship pplz... hahahha... we eat WAAAAYYY too much... but we got lotsa fun times coming up.. hehehee.. and way too many quotes we gotta post up!!! oh my.... i'm so blessed to have met these brotherz and sisterz... really really really hope that we continue to stay close and talk and what not even after tc.... aahh!!! in like 3 monthz i gained 3 amazing sisterz.... heehehe... luv that we got closer and opened up more... and yah.. the guyz are great too.. hahaha.. =) newayz... got this song stuck in my head....

only You, can fill my deepest longing
only You, can breathe in me new life
only You, can fill my heart with laughter
only You, can answer my heart's cry

only You, Lord... pleaz be my focus for this coming week... draw me into ur presence and just teach me... reveal Yourself to me... thank You for loving me and blessin' me with everything that i have.... i praise You and You alone... =)

newayz.. i'm mad procrastinating right now... gotta get back to work... gonna be silent for a while.... need to listen to God.. =) plus i won't be home.. hahahaha.. =D BE BLESSED!!!! thanx to ppl who take the time to read all this.. hahahha.. itz really not that good... just stuff that comes thru my head.. my weird weird head.. =) lata!!!